"ZNRP!"
(click:"ZNRP!")[Oh, no. Not again. Not him again. You close your eyes. Maybe he'll just go away. Maybe if you pay him no attention, he'll never visit your bar again.]
(click:"no attention")["ZNRRRRRRRRP!"]
(click:"ZNRRRRRRRRP!")[Nope. No luck. You turn sharply, in as unimpressed a manner as you can muster, and there he stands: Sunny Butterfield, grifter, charlatan, and galactic scumbag extraordinaire. He walks in and starts banging his fist on the bar. "Znrp, my sweet friend, time to snap out of it! I //really// need your help now.."]
(click:"your help")[He //always// needs your help. From the moment his freighter drifted into your dusty little corner of the Crab Nebula, he has been a constant nuisance to you, your bar, your bar's regulars, and worst, your bar's reputation. He once attempted to pay his bar tab in Blorpian chestnuts -- useless, foul, inedible, and corrosive Blorpian chestnuts. (His rationale: "think of the headlines!")
Likewise, he once boasted to your regulars he could out-wrestle a Egrecian trunkbear. When challenged to do so, the trunkbear ripped both his arms ripped off; Sunny then begged his audience for surgery money before it was revealed his species sheds their arms every two years.
He is constantly jeopardising all of the delicate work you've put in to keep Znrp's Bar neutral in this part of the nebula, and yet here he stands, fidgety and shifty as ever.
"What do you want, Sunny?" you ask.]
(click:"you ask.")["I don't have TIME for your chicanery right now, Znrp! As we sit here listening to you blather on about nothing, Xrnnxx and seven other Snuuubian hitmen are on their way here to kill me and all of my associates!"
"... Associates?"]
(click:"... Associates")["Well, okay, you. And Slurpy the bouncer, and Gzjgnrb, and I guess everyone else in the bar at the time they arrive. Which is soon."]
(click:"Which is soon")[(link: "Oh no.")[(go-to:"Main Bar")]]{
(set: $initial to true)
(set: $jukebox to true)
(set: $lights to "normal") <!-- 0 = off, 1 = normal, 2 = cranked -->
(set: $g_trip to false)
(set: $g_punch to false)
(set: $g_spit to false)
(set: $has_gun to false)
(set: $j_gun to false)
(set: $has_whiskey to false)
(set: $ale_bottle to false)
(set: $wine_bottle to false)
(set: $whiskey_drinks to 0)
(set: $drunk to false)
(set: $gandgwithdrinks to false)
(set: $slurpy to "trip")
(set: $sunny_questions to 0)
(if: $lights is "normal")[<script>$('html').addClass('normal').addClass('transition')</script>]
}{(if: $initial)[(display: "initialbar")Well, you're in for it now. Though you're loath to help Sunny under any circumstances, it would seem you will die if you don't. So you'd better start planning.(set: $initial to false)]
}
Your pub has, in your estimation, the perfect mix of coziness and grimyness, and your regulars would be inclined to agree: the last creature to complain about the dank air and musty walls was hurled back to the reservoir without his wallet, clothes, or dignity. Like some wine-soaked panopticon, the actual bar is four-sided and located in the centre of the room so you can keep at least one of your four eyes on your clientele at all times.
[[Sunny]] is here, pacing and muttering to himself. By the door, your faithful bouncer [[Slurpy->Slurpy Act]] stands, her tendrils crossed, looking concerned. Your most loyal customer, [[Gzjgnrb]], is sitting at the bar, drowning in florp ale. A couple of [[Jcziites]] whisper sweet nothings to each other in the corner, unconcerned with the surrounding ruckus. [[Glinc and Glorc]] are playing ripball off to the side, but seem attentive towards Sunny's declaration.
You have an [[emergency kit]] under the bar you could peek at, or you could peruse some of your finest [[spirits]].
Or, if you think you're [[ready->End 1]], you could wait until they arrive.
(if: $lights is "off")[<script>$('html').addClass('lightsoff').addClass('transition')</script>]
(else-if: $lights is "cranked")[<script>$('html').addClass('lightscranked').addClass('transition')</script><script>$('tw-link').addClass('cranked')</script>]
(else-if: $lights is "off" or $lights is "cranked" and $drunk is true)[<script>$('html').addClass('drinkwhiskey').addClass('transition')</script>]
{
=><=
(font: "Courier New")[#Znrp's]
}(either: "<q>Before you say anything further,</q> Sunny smarms, <q>I would just like to take this time to //emphatically// state that none of this was my fault.</q>", "<q>Ah, yes,</q> Sunny says, <q>time to speak to the //true// hero of this story.</q>")
You frown.
[[Look at Sunny->Sunny Look]]
[["What did you possibly do to make these Snuuubians so angry?"->Sunny Explain]]
[["WHY did you implicate me?!"->Sunny Znrp]]
(if: $sunny_questions is 0)[[["What do you know about Snuuubians?"->Sunny Snuuubians]]](else-if: $sunny_questions > 0)[[["Do you know anything else about Snuuubians?"->Sunny Snuuubians]]]
[[Turn back to the main bar->Main Bar]]
(if: $lights is "off")[<script>$('html').addClass('lightsoff').addClass('transition')</script>]
(else-if: $lights is "cranked")[<script>$('html').addClass('lightscranked').addClass('transition')</script><script>$('tw-link').addClass('cranked')</script>]Gzjgnrb is your most loyal customer, loyal to the extent that he technically never leaves: when it's time to close up for the night, he dissolves his corporeal form and fades into the surrounding air until the next day, where he rematerialises in the exact same shape at the exact same spot.
He doesn't look up. He assumes that you and him are constants, and that any trouble in the bar will fade into nothingness. If only that were true.
[[Look at Gzjgnrb->Gzjgnrb Look]]
[["Gzjgnrb, do you know anything about Snuuubians?"->Gzjgnrb Snuubians]]
[["Gzjgnrb, do you know anything about Xrnnxx?"->Gzjgnrb Xrnnxx]]
[["What do you think I should do, Gzjgnrb?"->Gzjgnrb What To Do]]
[[Turn back to the bar->Main Bar]] Two Jcziites sit in the corner of the bar, completely uninterested in the bar's current crisis. You can hear the faintest murmur of Jcziite lovetalk as they share a florp ale and gaze into one another's eyes. (if: $j_gun is true)[A gun has been placed on the table between them.]
[[Look at Jcziites->Jcziites Look]]
[["Uhh.. do you two know anything about Snuuubians?"->Jcziites Snuuubians]]
[["Do you think you could help me with this at all?"->Jcziites Help]]
(if: $has_gun is true and $j_gun is false)[[["I'm just going to leave this gun on your table. If you'd like to help, please do."->Jcziites Gun]]]
[[Back to main bar->Main Bar]] You look underneath the counter and pull out your emergency kit. (if: $has_gun is false)[All the emergency kit has in it is a gun. Oops.](else: $has_gun is true)[The emergency kit is empty, which doesn't bode well.]
You notice, next to the kit, the controls for the jukebox and the lights. The jukebox is (if: $jukebox is true)[blaring,](else-if: $jukebox is false)[off,] and (if: $lights is "normal")[the lights are currently at their normal level, but you could either crank them up or turn them completely off.](else-if: $lights is "cranked")[the lights are currently cranked as high as they can go, but you could turn them down or off completely.](else-if: $lights is "off")[the lights are currently off, but you could turn them up slightly or crank them up completely if you like.]
(if: $j_gun is true)[The gun is currently sitting on the Jcziite table. You can [[put it back->Put the gun back]] if you like.](else:)[You could {(if: $has_gun is false)[(link: "take the gun")[(go-to: "Take the gun")]] \
(else-if: $has_gun is true)[(link: "put the gun back")[(go-to: "Put the gun back")]] if you so chose.}]
{(if: $lights is "normal")[You could also (link: "turn the lights off")[(set: $lights to "off")(go-to: "Turn the lights off")] or ]
(if: $lights is "normal")[(link: "crank the lights")[(set: $lights to "cranked")(go-to: "Crank the lights")]]
(if: $lights is "off")[You could also (link: "turn the lights back on")[(set: $lights to "normal")(go-to: "Turn the lights on")] or ]
(if: $lights is "off")[(link: "crank the lights")[(set: $lights to "cranked")(go-to: "Crank the lights")]]
(if: $lights is "cranked")[You could also (link: "turn the lights down")[(set: $lights to "normal")(go-to: "Turn the lights on")] or ]
(if: $lights is "cranked")[(link: "turn the lights off")[(set: $lights to "off")(go-to: "Turn the lights off")]] if you wanted.}
(if: $jukebox is true)[The jukebox is playing (either: "a jaunty Szrztzzese hit number.", "a haunting Mloopi opera.", " an irritating Nbnnnbb tune.") You can (link: "turn it off")[(go-to:"Turn the jukebox off")] if you'd like.](else-if: $jukebox is false)[The jukebox is off. You can (link: "turn it back on")[(go-to:"Turn the jukebox on")] if you'd like.]
[[Or you could turn back to the bar.->Main Bar]]
(if: $lights is "off")[<script>$('html').addClass('lightsoff').addClass('transition')</script>]
(else-if: $lights is "cranked")[<script>$('html').addClass('lightscranked').addClass('transition')</script><script>$('tw-link').addClass('cranked')</script>]A litany of spirits from throughout the quadrant reside on your shelf. (if: $ale_bottle is false or $wine_bottle is false or $has_whiskey is false)[You can see:](else-if: $ale_bottle is true and $wine_bottle is true and $has_whiskey is true)[You don't see the need to take down any other bottles right now.]
(if: $ale_bottle is false)[[[a bottle of crimson florp ale->Take the ale]]]
(if: $wine_bottle is false)[[[a bottle of cerulean Cluk roundwine->Take the wine]]]
(if: $has_whiskey is false)[[[a flagon of turquoise Sorpalese whisky->Take the whisky]]]
[[Back to the main bar->Main Bar]]
Sunny Butterfield stands at your bar. At first glance, he looks like a typical Salaxiz gentleman, dressed sharply in a traditional sky-blue business tunic; peek closer and you'll find torn cuffs and mustard stains. He is short, gaunt, with skin like leathery citrus, eyes like bulbous salty grapes. He walks around with his chest puffed, as if his volume will somehow mask his buffoonery.
(either: "<q>You want this tunic?</q> Sunny asks. <q>It's yours if you can buy me a nicer one.</q>", "<q>You like what you see?</q> Sunny asks. <q>Now imagine this fine chartreuse hide of mine flayed and hoisted on the nearest Snuuubian flagpole. Let's get planning already!</q>", "<q>Get a good look while you can, because the more you gawk, the deader we all are,</q> Sunny says.")
[[Back to Sunny->Sunny]] "Well," Sunny begins, choosing his words with a practiced delicateness, "Butterfield Enterprises contacted several members of the aforementioned Snuuubian contingent regarding a potential business arrangement. We were to supply our Snuuubian friends with explosives and other violent ordnance in exchange for passage out of the Crab Nebula."
"Okay.." you say. "What's the problem?"
"Isn't it obvious?! I don't have any explosives! Where am I gonna get any explosives? I don't need any more Conglomerate attention than I already have on me. The Snuuubians seemed dumb and I can't wait to get out of this hellhole so I thought I could fleece them."
Slurpy's eyes widen in a potent mixture of disgust and fury.
[[Back to Sunny->Sunny]]
"I also told them that you and I were best pals, and that I have an office in your upstairs closet, and that any business deal that Butterfield Enterprises partakes in requires to have you as a co-signer,' he says with a straight face.
Slurpy moves towards Sunny in anger. You gesture her back.
"But.. //why?// NONE of that is true!" you plead.
"Because you have money! And I knew you would be good for it. And we're best pals." He pats you on the shoulder. "Now, you have a bunch of blistering laser traps in your back room, right? How many blistering laser traps should we set? At least seven or eight, right?"
[[You turn back->Sunny]] to your bar in anger.
He notices something scrawled on his hand, clears his throat, and begins to recite as if at a spelling bee. "The Snuuubians' desert homeworld sees very little sunlight for most of their year due to an irregularity in its axial tilt. They prefer limited light at all times."
He looks up at you, agitated. "Trust me, it's meaningless. I asked them about about their astral tilts already and they didn't like that very much."
[[Back to Sunny->Sunny]]Glinc and Glorc float gently around the ripball table, their favourite pastime. Their fur crackles with faint static electricity as they banter with one another.
(either: "<q>you are going to miss,</q> Glorc taunts.
<q>i am not going to miss,</q> Glinc retorts.
Glinc misses.
<q>you were correct,</q> Glinc says, switching places with Glorc.", "<q>you must engage the auxiliary flange, glorc.</q>
<q>what is the auxiliary flange, glinc?</q>
<q>it is too late. you have failed. it is my turn.</q>", "<q>that was a silly move,</q> Glinc says. <q>by rotating your third column you have given up your strategic adventage.</q>
Suddenly, the ripball table lights up. <q>NEW HIGH SCORE,</q> it screams.
<q>i maintain my original statement,</q> Glinc says.")
[[Look at Glinc & Glorc->Glinc and Glorc Look]]
[["Fellas, do you know anything about Snuuubians?"->Glinc and Glorc Snuuubians]]
[["Do either of you know what I should do?"->Glinc and Glorc What to Do]]
[["What do you think about Sunny?"->Glinc and Glorc Sunny]]
(if: $ale_bottle is true and $wine_bottle is true and $gandgwithdrinks is false)[[["Here, have these drinks on the house."->Give Glinc and Glorc drinks]]]
[[Back to main bar->Main Bar]] "The only thing I know about Snuuubians is that they love committing violence but they hate witnessing violence being perpetrated by others. That's why they rise to to the top of criminal organizations so quickly," Slurpy says.
"Okay," you say, taking a deep breath. "I need you to help me figure out what to do with Xrnnxx when he first comes through the door. Can you..."
(link: "<q>trip him?</q>")[(go-to: "trip him")]
(link: "<q>punch him?</q>")[(go-to: "punch him")]
(link: "<q>push him?</q>")[(go-to: "push him")]
(link: "<q>maybe, like.. spit on him?</q>")[(go-to: "spit on him")]
[[Back to bar->Main Bar]] {
(print: "<script>$('html').removeClass(\)</script>")
(if: (passage:)'s tags's length > 0)[
(print: "<script>$('html').addClass('" + (passage:)'s tags.join(' ') + "'\)</script>")
]
{
(print: "<script>$('tw-link').removeClass(\)</script>")
(if: (passage:)'s tags's length > 0)[
(print: "<script>$('tw-link').addClass('" + (passage:)'s tags.join(' ') + "'\)</script>")
]
}
(if: $lights is "off")[<script>$('html').addClass('lightsoff').addClass('transition')</script>]
(else-if: $lights is "cranked")[<script>$('html').addClass('lightscranked').addClass('transition')</script><script>$('tw-link').addClass('cranked')</script>]
}
(set: $has_gun to true)You take the gun and holster it comfortably in your belt loop.
(either: "<q>Wow, you think we can get like forty more of those, Znrp?</q> Sunny asks.", "<q>Guns!</q> Sunny's face lights up. <q>How do you use that one?</q>", "<q>Yup, I'm with you -- no diplomacy, just come in guns blazing, pew pew pew, no more bad guys. The Snuuubians, that is. They're the bad guys.</q> Sunny says. He pulls a worn handkerchief and blows his nose.")
[[Back to the emergency kit->emergency kit]]
(if: $j_gun is false)[(set: $has_gun to false)You put the gun back in the kit.
"Change of plans, huh?" Sunny says.](else-if: $j_gun is true)[(set: $has_gun to false)(set: $j_gun to false)You snatch the gun off the disinterested Jcziite table and put it back in your emergency kit. They don't notice.]
[[Back to the emergency kit->emergency kit]] (set: $lights to "off")<script>$('html').addClass('lightsoff').addClass('transition')</script>You shut the lights off completely.
(either: "Sunny bumps into a barstool and fumbles about.", "Sunny perks up. <q>Ah, the ol' element of surprise, eh? Excellent plan - I was just about to think of it.</q>", "<q>Good plan! Can't kill the Sunny you can't see,</q> Sunny muses.")
[[Back to the emergency kit->emergency kit]] You turn the lights to their normal setting.
[[Back to the emergency kit->emergency kit]] (set: $lights to "cranked")<script>$('html').addClass('lightscranked').addClass('transition')</script><script>$('tw-link').addClass('cranked')</script>You crank the lights to their highest setting. Your regulars squint their whiskied eyeballs to adjust.
[[Back to the emergency kit->emergency kit]] (set: $jukebox to false)The jukebox switches off. Your bar is eerie without the constant din. Now all you hear is (either:"Sunny's sniffling.", "Sunny's heavy breathing.", "Sunny's constant muttering.")
[[Back to the emergency kit->emergency kit]] (set: $jukebox to true)The jukebox comes back on.
[[Back to the emergency kit->emergency kit]] One would think that with the ability to dissolve one's body and reassemble it in whatever fashion they chose, Gzjgnrb would have chosen something more aesthetically pleasing. But he always chooses the same form: three legs, no hair, bright orange skin, rotund belly, hunched back. Always sitting in the same spot at the far end of your bar, he drinks florp ale as if it were water. You're still not sure if alcohol has any effect on him, or if he simply drinks it for the taste.
(either: "<q>ZNRP,</q> he says jovially. <q>Do NOT forget to FLIP!</q> He laughs maniacally.", "Gzjgnrb looks at his hands. <q>MUST we? We RESUME!</q> he says, before taking a huge swig of florp ale.", "Gzjgnrb leans back in a satisfying stretch. <q>How DOES the TIME crawl?</q> he asks.")
[[Back to Gzjgnrb->Gzjgnrb]] Gzjgnrb bursts into heavy laughter. "They ALWAYS are SORE!" he guffaws. He starts slapping his legs and stomping his feet for emphasis. "You SEE? They are SORE!"
[[Back to Gzjgnrb->Gzjgnrb]]
He laughs uproariously. "The MOST SORE! Mean man, very sore!"
(either: "Sunny looks over. <q>Well, that was useful,</q> Sunny says.", "Sunny looks at you and Gzjgnrb. <q>Maybe we could do something more useful than asking barely conscious boozehounds for assistance, yes?</q> Sunny asks.", "Sunny shakes his head angrily. <q>Come //on//, Znrp. We don't have time for this!</q>")
[[Back to Gzjgnrb->Gzjgnrb]] (if: $whiskey_drinks is 0)[Gzjgnrb looks at you in as serious a manner as he can muster. "You must CHUG the SOUP. No HEAT," he says, pointing a gnarled finger at your chest, and (if: $has_whiskey is false)[then to a green bottle on your shelf.](else-if: $has_whiskey is true)[then to the Sorpalese whiskey in your hand. "We CHUG the SOUP!" He bangs his glass against the bar excitedly. "YES!"]](else-if: $whiskey_drinks is 1)[Your head is still swimming, but Gzjgnrb seems convinced that drinking that horrible whisky is the only solution.](else-if: $whiskey_drinks is 2)[Gzjgnrb seems completely unaffected by the vile elixir he's foisted upon you both. But he seems to be gesturing for another round.](else-if: $whiskey_drinks is 3)[Gzjgnrb looks disinterested in drinking any further, and returns to sipping his florp ale.]
(if: $whiskey_drinks < 3)[(if: $has_whiskey is true)[You suppose it couldn't hurt to have (if: $whiskey_drinks is 0)[(link: "a drink")[(go-to:"Gzjgnrb Drink")] with Gzjgnrb.](else-if: $whiskey_drinks > 0)[(link: "another drink")[(go-to:"Gzjgnrb Drink")] with Gzjgnrb.]]](else-if: $whiskey_drinks is 3)[That was enough whisky for one day, anyway.]
[[Back to Gzjgnrb->Gzjgnrb]]
(set: $ale_bottle to true)Florp ale is the most popular beverage in the nebula. This particular variety is a deep, dark crimson and is noted for its "refreshing effervescence." You take the bottle down.
[[Back to spirits->spirits]] (set: $wine_bottle to true)You have a particularly nice vintage of Cluk roundwine. Renowned for its scarcity, to have one's tongue stained blue after consuming it is seen as a sign of prestige on the Cluk homeworld. You take the bottle.
[[Back to spirits->spirits]] (set: $has_whiskey to true)Sorpalese whiskey is distilled seven thousand times until it reaches its distinctive sea-green colour. Sorpalese whiskey is also distinguished for having a thicker consistency than most other spirits, and is potent enough to knock a Vnrubian seahorse down for the count.
You take the bottle off the shelf. Gzjgnrb's face lights up. "YES," he says.
[[Back to spirits->spirits]] (set: $whiskey_drinks to it + 1)(if: $whiskey_drinks is 1)[You pour a glass for yourself and Gzjgnrb. The Sorpalese whiskey has the consistency of applesauce -- or, as Gzjgnrb described, a finely chunked soup.
"WE CHUG!" Gzjgnrb says.
You can't believe you're doing this. (click-replace: "this.")[this, but down it goes and (text-style: "rumble")[<H1>UUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHH IT'S THE WORST THING YOU'VE EVER TASTED]]](else-if: $whiskey_drinks is 2)[Gzjgnrb pours another drink with aplomb. "TRUST in Gzjgnrb!" he says. "You FEEL no HEAT."
Your bar remains fuzzy, your ears remain ringing, but the second glass of whisky remains in front of you, and Gzjgnrb remains convinced it's a good idea.
(click: "good idea")[(text-style: "rumble")[<H1>uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggghhhhhh]]]
(else-if: $whiskey_drinks is 3)[Gzjgnrb pours another round. "Enough?" he thinks to himself. "Yes, THREE SOUPS for no HEAT. Then, ENOUGH."
This is the absolute worst.
(click: "worst")["Oh, but that one wasn't so bad!" you say. Gzjgnrb smiles.]]
[[Back to Gzjgnrb->Gzjgnrb What To Do]]
Normally, to call someone a furball would be considered derogatory. In Glinc and Glorc's case, it's entirely accurate. The two creatures are perfectly spherical, about the size of a keg, and covered with fine silver fur. Their two arms are their only appendages, and they subsist entirely upon electricity, which they use to float from place to place through the manipulation of their surrounding magnetic field. They only buy alcohol to warrant use of your ripball machine, which entertains and nourishes them simultaneously.
[[Back to Glinc and Glorc->Glinc and Glorc]] Glinc and Glorc look at each other briefly. "desert world, relatively unknown in this segment of Crab Nebula. very little known about them," Glinc says.
Glorc chimes in. "they must not like getting wet!"
"ha ha ha ha ha ha," Glinc responds.
[[Back to Glinc and Glorc->Glinc and Glorc]] (if: $gandgwithdrinks is false)["we could use another beverage," Glinc says.
That's it? Jerks.](else-if: $gandgwithdrinks is true)["tell glinc to be better at ripball, ha ha ha"]
[[Back to Glinc and Glorc->Glinc and Glorc]] (set:$gandgwithdrinks to true)You give Glinc and Glorc the bottle of ale and the bottle of wine.
"salutations! we shall put this to good use," they say.
[[Back to Glinc and Glorc->Glinc and Glorc]] The two look over at Sunny, who is currently trying to retrieve his wallet from underneath a vending machine.
"goof. bad at ripball. hope he doesn't condemn us to death! ha ha ha" says Glorc, before turning back to his game.
[[Back to Glinc and Glorc->Glinc and Glorc]] (set: $slurpy to "trip")"Okay!" Slurpy says. "Maybe they'll all trip over him as they try to rush in to the bar."
[[Back to bar->Main Bar]] (set: $slurpy to "punch")Slurpy flexes her tendril. "You got it, boss."
[[Back to bar->Main Bar]] (set: $slurpy to "push")Slurpy takes an incognito stance near the doorway. "I'll be ready," she says.
[[Back to bar->Main Bar]]
(set: $slurpy to "spit")Slurpy stares at you as if you've grown a fifth eye.
"Uh, sure, I can do that, if you think it'll accomplish anything," Slurpy says.
Sunny perks up. "I can spit on him too!" He begins to hawk and clear his throat before Slurpy wraps a tendril around his throat in a gentle warning.
[[Back to bar->Main Bar]] Jcziites are orange slug-like creatures from the distant reaches of the Nebula. You haven't seen these particular Jcziites before, but you know exactly what to expect from them: their mating rituals are so lengthy and complex that they disregard all external stimuli. It's also extremely difficult to tell whether or not Jcziites are engaged in mating or are bitter enemies -- to duel and to mate in Jcziite society are surprisingly similar rituals.
[[Back to Jcziites->Jcziites]]
They ignore you. (either: "One of them slurps their florp ale with a loud gulp.", "You can hear the faintest murmuring from one, and the faintest giggling from the other.")
[[Back to Jcziites->Jcziites]]
Nothing. (either: "Sunny looks over at you. <q>Hey, you're just about as boring as those two, Znrp -- maybe you could have a threesome!</q>", "<q>Do you think they'd even notice if they got shot?</q> Sunny asks.")
[[Back to Jcziites->Jcziites]] (set: $j_gun to true)(set: $has_gun to false)You place the gun on the table between them, next to their shared glass of florp ale.
(either: "<q>Trust the lovebirds with the one gun in the whole place, huh?</q> Sunny says.", "<q>What?! You'd better know what you're doing, Znrp,</q> Sunny says.", "<q>Yup, let's leave a gun -- our one miniscule sliver of hope -- on the table next to the aliens who are too enraptured with one another to use it. Brilliant again, Znrp,</q> Sunny says.")
[[Back to Jcziites->Jcziites]] You take position behind the bar. Sunny curls up beside you. "We're gonna GET 'em," he whispers. "We're gonna get them so good. Sunny and Znrp, back on the same team again, triumphing against evil. They're not gonna know what hit them. They're not gonna know WHO hit them! Actually, wait -- who's going to hit them?
(if: $jukebox is true)[(click:"going to hit them")[Sunny thinks about this for a second. "Who's going to hit them?!" He stands up, alarmed. As he does so, his elbow hits the jukebox control and cranks the volume to its highest setting.]
(click:"highest setting")["Turn it down!" you yell.]
(click:"you yell")["WHAT?!" Sunny says.]
(click:"Sunny says")[Slurpy leaves her post by the door and rushes over to turn down the volume. As she does so, Xrnnxx appears in the doorway, flanked by his seven Snuuubian associates.]
(click:"Xrnnxx appears")["DEATH TO ZNRP!" Xrnnxx screams, and vaporizes the entire bar with one sweep of his heat ray.]
(click:"heat ray")[(You are dead. Restart?)]
(click:"Restart")[(reload:)]](else-if: $jukebox is false)[You shush Sunny. Glinc and Glorc quit playing ripball. Gzjgnrb turns towards the door. Slurpy readies herself. All is still.
Suddenly, from outside the door: "BUTTERFIELD!"
[[Continue..->End 2]]]
Xrnnxx knocks down the door.
(if: $lights is "off")[The bar is lit only by the open door. Xrnnxx casts a long shadow as he floats through. He pauses.
(click: "pauses")[Sunny pokes his head up. "You think that's him, Znrp?!"]
(click: "him")[Xrnnxx turns. "ZNRP!" He fires his heat ray in your direction and vaporizes you instantly.]
(click:"instantly")[You are dead. Restart?]
(click:"Restart")[(reload:)]](else-if: $lights is "normal")["THIS MUST BE IT," Xrnnxx declares. "THIS ESTABLISHMENT HAS THE APPROPRIATE LEVEL OF DANK."
(click:"DANK")[Sunny raises his head. "Are you gonna take that, Znrp?!" he whispers.]
(click: "whispers")[Xrnnxx turns instantly. "ZNRP!" He fires his heat ray in your direction and vaporizes you.]
(click:"instantly")[You are dead. Restart?]
(click:"Restart")[(reload:)]](else-if: $lights is "cranked")[He raises a wing to his brow and screams.
"AAAAAAAGGGGHHHH, WHAT IS THIS LIGHT?! IS THIS THE RIGHT PLACE?!"
[[Continue...->End 3]]]Xrnnxx stumbles into the open bar, reeling from the bright lights.
(if: $slurpy is "trip")[As instructed, Slurpy holds out her leg to trip Xrnnxx..
(click: "trip Xrnnxx")[but he simply floats over it.]
(click: "floats")[You get a good look at Xrnnxx. He's a floater. He, like apparently every Snuuubian, has no legs.]
(click: "no legs")[The last thing you hear before the bar is vaporized by Xrnnxx's heat ray is Gzjgnrb's maniacal giggling: "You SEE? He is SORE, no leg!"]
(click: "SORE")[(You are dead. Restart?)]
(click: "Restart")[(reload:)]](else-if: $slurpy is "punch")[As instructed, Slurpy punches Xrnnxx square in the jaw the moment he steps through the door.
(click: "square in the jaw")[Xrnnxx doesn't flinch.]
(click: "flinch")["YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT," he says. He and his Snuuubian cronies vaporize the bar with a quick sweep of their heat rays.]
(click: "heat rays")[You are dead. Restart?]
(click: "Restart")[(reload:)]](else-if: $slurpy is "push")[As instructed, Slurpy pushes Xrnnxx to the ground the moment he steps through the door.
(click: "to the ground")[Xrnnxx immediately floats up, like an ice cube in a drink. Sunny never mentioned he was buoyant.]
(click: "springs up")["YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT," he says. He and his Snuuubian cronies vaporize the bar with a quick sweep of their heat rays.]
(click: "heat rays")[You are dead. Restart?]
(click: "Restart")[(reload:)]](else-if: $slurpy is "spit")[As instructed, Slurpy hocks a giant loogie and spits on Xrnnxx's face. He screams and flails wildly. "AAAAAGH! EXPECTORATE!"
[[Continue...->End 4]]]Slurpy jumps behind the bar. The remaining Snuuubians rush through to their leader's aid. Xrnnxx flops around, trying to wipe the spit from his face.
"WE ARE HERE TO SERVE," scream the other Snuuubians.
(if: $has_gun is true)[(click: "other Snuuubians")[They look over at you in unison. "THERE HE IS, BOSS," they yell. You pitifully raise your gun at the throng of Snuuubians but you are vaporized before you even have the chance to pull the trigger.
(click: "the trigger")[You are dead. Restart?]
(click: "Restart")[(reload:)]]](else-if: $j_gun is true)[(click: "other Snuuubians")[The Snuuubians float tentatively forward, flanking their stunned boss on either side. You keep your head down, and reflexively, miraculously, Sunny does also.
"VILE!" they scream together. "VILE CRIME! EXPECTORATION IS VILE!"
(click: "VILE CRIME!")[They ready their heat rays in unison. They plan to eviscerate not only Znrp's, but the entire block.]
(click: "block")[You expect to hear a sizzle. Instead, you hear a single gunshot.]
(click: "gunshot")[The Snuuubians scream.
"VIOLENCE!" they shriek. "HORRIBLE VIOLENCE!"]
(click: "HORRIBLE VIOLENCE!")[One of the Jcziites has shot the other. They step over the twitching corpse and saunter past the Snuuubians into the street. The Snuuubians are repulsed. They vomit terrible, uncontrollable liquids, which repulse them further.
[[Continue...->End 5]]]]]
The Snuuubians continue to bump into one another, vomiting and wretching and screaming about spitting and bright light.
(if: $gandgwithdrinks is false)[(click: "one another")[Xrnnxx, having finally wiped the spit from his face, recovers and turns at you in rage. "BURN, ZNRP!"
He vaporizes you with a quick blast of his heat ray.
You are dead. Restart?]
(click: "restart")[(reload:)]](else-if: $gandgwithdrinks is true)[(click: "one another")[Amidst the confusion, Glinc and Glorc hurl their wine and ale bottles at the crew of mobsters. "we have utilised our extensive ripball knowledge in a real-world application, glorc!" Glinc says.
The bottles smash on two of the Snuuubians, shattering on impact and splashing the Snuuubians with alcohol.
"BURNWATER!" they scream. The seven Snuuubians turn and flee from Znrp's as fast as they can float.
[[Continue..->End 6]]]]Xrnnxx turns at you in rage. "HOW HAVE YOU DONE THIS TO ME?! THE LEGENDS ABOUT YOU WERE TRUE," he bellows. "YOU WILL PAY THE ULTIMATE PRICE, AS SUNNY AND I HAVE ORDAINED!"
Wait, what?
Sunny shys away from you.
(if: $whiskey_drinks < 3)[But before you have an opportunity to ponder this, Xrnnxx cranks his heat ray to its maximum setting and trains it squarely upon you. Your blood boils. Not in the "oooh I'm so mad" way, but in the "your blood is an uncomfortably high temperature" way.
You are dead. Restart?
(click: "Restart")[(reload:)]](else-if: $whiskey_drinks is 3)[Xrnnxx cranks his heat ray to its maximum setting and trains it squarely upon you. He activates it.
You feel a slight tickling.
Gzjgnrb looks over. "YOU FEEL GOOD? NO CHUG THE SOUP, YOU DIE! YOU CHUG THE SOUP, NO HEAT!"
[[Continue->End 7]]]Xrnnxx is stunned.
"THIS WAS NOT THE EASY HEIST YOU SAID IT WOULD BE, BUTTERFIELD!" He turns and flees out the door. Slurpy makes to pursue, but you hold her back.
Sunny looks at you, mock-surprise on his face.
"You gotta understand one thing about these Snuuubians, Znrp -- they'll say anything to get themselves out of a jam, I swear. Anything at all! Me and them, collaborators?! I guess they never said that, but the implication? Balderdash!"
Slurpy sneaks behind him. She swats him on the back of the head, knocking him out.
What would you like to do next:
[[fire him out of a cannon into the sun->End 8]]
[[fire him out of a cannon into deep space->End 8]]
[[fire him out of a cannon into a black hole->End 8]]
[[fire him out of a cannon into an asteroid belt->End 8]]
[[fire him out of a cannon into a gas giant->End 8]]Congratulations! Sunny is banished forever. You've done it!
Play again?
(click: "Play again")[(reload:)](if: (passage:)'s name contains "Intro")[<span style="position: fixed; left: 10px; top:40px;">[[Skip?|Main Bar]]]